One essential component of confidence in sales is emotional awareness — the ability to observe someone, talk with them briefly, and make an educated guess about where they’re at emotionally. In sales, success often depends on your ability to approach and communicate with a prospect using the appropriate emotion.
Imagine you walk up to a prospect who looks as if they’re about to cry and greet them with a loud, cheerful, “Hi there! Isn’t life grand?” Chances are, they’ll either burst into tears or do everything possible to get away from you. In that moment, what they need isn’t your enthusiasm — it’s your empathy. The right move might be to calmly acknowledge what’s happening and, if necessary, reschedule your appointment so they can collect themselves.
Now flip that scenario. If a prospect seems happy and upbeat, and you approach with a dull, lifeless “Hey… how ya doin’?”, they’ll sense something’s off. They might even wonder if they did something wrong or why you’re not matching their energy. Either way, you’ve created emotional dissonance — and that makes connection (and a sale) much harder to achieve.
The Key: Emotional Appropriateness
Your goal isn’t to “fake” emotions or put on an act. It’s to be real while finding a tone that aligns with the person in front of you. Meet people where they are emotionally — not miles above or below it.
Here’s a great example.
A colleague of mine, a longtime freelance writer, once landed an interview with the very conservative CEO of a medical research institute. At the time, my friend had long hair, a wild artistic look, and a carefree personality to match — even his website photos projected that creative style.
Before the meeting, the person who referred him quietly warned, “Just so you know, the CEO is extremely conservative.” My friend took the advice to heart. He got a clean haircut, put on a suit, and shifted his tone to be more businesslike and grounded.
When he walked into the meeting, the CEO was immediately at ease. My friend’s professionalism and composure matched the tone of the environment. The CEO not only hired him for the project — he gave him multiple assignments after that.
Had my friend walked in with his usual “free spirit” style, he likely wouldn’t have even been considered, no matter how talented he was as a writer.
Authentic, Not Artificial
Now, being emotionally appropriate doesn’t mean abandoning who you are. You don’t have to imitate your prospect or become someone you’re not. Authenticity matters — and prospects can spot a fake a mile away.
Some outdated sales training once taught reps to “agree” with everything a prospect said, no matter what. But that approach backfires quickly. It feels manipulative, and people can sense the dishonesty. Real connection happens when you balance authenticity with awareness.
The Takeaway
Be yourself — but be emotionally intelligent.
Adjust your tone, pace, and demeanor to align with the person you’re speaking with. It’s not about mirroring; it’s about understanding.
When you approach people with emotional awareness and authenticity, you build instant trust — and that’s the foundation of every great sale.
